Top Ten Ways to Tell Bill Steffen is a Bad Golfer

April 18th, 2014 at 10:44 pm by under Bill's Blog, Sports, Weather

easter bunny running   I’m playing golf Saturday here in Oak Ridge.  I played once last year and twice the year before that.  It’s not a pretty sight.  Here’s the top ten ways to tell that Bill Steffen is a bad golfer:   10)  Bill’s so bad off the tee that the course makes him take along a “designated driver”.  9)  Bill’s favorite club is his ball retriever   8)  Bill’s had to regrip his ball retriever six times.  7)  Bill’s divots are so big that the course makes him take along a fork-lift truck and four carpet layers   6)   Bill gets excited when he gets a hole-in-six   5)  Bill’s handicap is higher than the number of losses the Detroit Pistons have had this year.  5)  The only person on Earth with a better left hook than Bill Steffen is Floyd Mayweather.   4)  Bill uses green golf balls, because they show up better in the sand traps.  3)  When Bill plays, the course hands out hard hats and flak jackets   2)  Bill’s divots are bigger than the potholes on Burton Street…and the #1 way to tell Bill Steffen is a bad golfer…the Easter Bunny flees in total panic when he hears that Bill is playing golf!

UPDATE:  Survived golf – no people or animals were injured.  A had a very honest 109.  I did par one par 3.  I lost 3 balls, but found 4…so I was +1 for the day.  Fish, broccoli, potato salad and homemade oatmeal-raisin cookies for dinner.  Tomorrow, we all go to church, then home for the Easter Sunday ham brunch (which my almost 95-year old mother insists on doing mostly on her own), then out to Frozen Head State Park to enjoy what should be an awesome day.  You should have near perfect weather in Michigan for Easter Sunday as well – enjoy.

20 Responses to “Top Ten Ways to Tell Bill Steffen is a Bad Golfer”

  1. Debbie (Jenison) says:

    LOL, very cute, sounds like me playing golf. But, I have soooo much fun playing. Enjoy your day tomorrow. Happy Easter to you and your family.

  2. Laura Castle says:

    Too funny! I really enjoyed reading this.

  3. Bryan says:

    Good stuff Bill. Glad you got a chance to get out today. Now you can go up to Gaylord or play the Mackinac Island course and not have to worry about losing your ball in the pond as they are still iced over on April 18th!!! Bet that hasn’t happened in a long while. I would be curious if you asked your Traverse City daughter or other friends up north how much this extended cold and snow pack might hurt the golf resorts. Or is the late spring just PAR for the course!!!

    Maybe we can get your old Chicago caddie buddy Bill Murray up for pro-am day for the new Senior’s PGA event this year in Grand Rapids???

    Have a safe Easter to all-

  4. Marti B. (SE Grand Rapids) says:

    Cute Bill :) I don’t play golf and don’t want to learn. I like to ride my bike and go swimming!

  5. Brian(Grandville) says:

    Bill, I found a course fit to your hadicap.

  6. Bobby (Ada) says:

    PGA Championship is in Benton Harbor, and the courses are already open up near T.C. :)

  7. Larry of Hastings, barry co says:

    Bill, I bet you are better golfer than you think. It’s been along time since I played. Enjoy your Easter weekend.

  8. I haven’t played golf in years. I am afraid if I play again they will have to hand out hard hats and flak jackets as well.

  9. Jill C. says:

    You and my husband should play. It would be good for his ego to actually beat someone! ;)

  10. Jack says:

    ” FORE”……. stay CUED.

  11. Jack says:

    BILL, Sounds like Your Golf Game is rather ” Hare” Raising !! Lol…Stay CUEDDD !

  12. Dan (Byron Center) says:

    Hilarious. How many times do golfers hear FORE when you are playing Bill? When I play I spend more times in the trees and water hazards.

  13. Nathan (Forest Hills) says:

    Haha nice story Bill! The potholes on Burton are very big lol.

  14. GunLakeDeb says:

    LOL!!!!! I hit so many “worm burners” that Robins follow behind me :-)

  15. Steve B says:

    I went out golfing last week for the first time in a long time, and can you believe it, I shot a 68!
    I had so much fun, I went on to the second hole.

  16. LOL sounds like an exciting round of golf for you, Bill hahaha. Wishing you and your family a very happy Easter :)

  17. Nathan (Forest Hills) says:

    Went golfing today actually and hit my driver over 200 for the first time this year! Not too good compared to my dad and brother, but Im getting there. I still need work on my rescue club but I have my irons down finally.

  18. Judy (Fennville) says:

    LOL!!!! Also love some of the other comments as far as how people feel that they play. There ARE worse golfers than you out there.

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