I’m playing golf Saturday here in Oak Ridge. I played once last year and twice the year before that. It’s not a pretty sight. Here’s the top ten ways to tell that Bill Steffen is a bad golfer: 10) Bill’s so bad off the tee that the course makes him take along a “designated driver”. 9) Bill’s favorite club is his ball retriever 8) Bill’s had to regrip his ball retriever six times. 7) Bill’s divots are so big that the course makes him take along a fork-lift truck and four carpet layers 6) Bill gets excited when he gets a hole-in-six 5) Bill’s handicap is higher than the number of losses the Detroit Pistons have had this year. 5) The only person on Earth with a better left hook than Bill Steffen is Floyd Mayweather. 4) Bill uses green golf balls, because they show up better in the sand traps. 3) When Bill plays, the course hands out hard hats and flak jackets 2) Bill’s divots are bigger than the potholes on Burton Street…and the #1 way to tell Bill Steffen is a bad golfer…the Easter Bunny flees in total panic when he hears that Bill is playing golf!
UPDATE: Survived golf – no people or animals were injured. A had a very honest 109. I did par one par 3. I lost 3 balls, but found 4…so I was +1 for the day. Fish, broccoli, potato salad and homemade oatmeal-raisin cookies for dinner. Tomorrow, we all go to church, then home for the Easter Sunday ham brunch (which my almost 95-year old mother insists on doing mostly on her own), then out to Frozen Head State Park to enjoy what should be an awesome day. You should have near perfect weather in Michigan for Easter Sunday as well – enjoy.